did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And then he peed in my hair
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