If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
