when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
