just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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