wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
