he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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