I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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