Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
