he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
