alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Let's get the cat blown out
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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