no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize