The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
