I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
