Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize