U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
