Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
