a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
