So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
