Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
