I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
