My liver just broke up with me...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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