just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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