i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Moan for me like Helen Keller
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
