i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
