i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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