he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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