No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
