Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
