I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
