id be glad to
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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