Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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