Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
