I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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