there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
