I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Every concussion has its silver lining
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
