I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize