You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
