Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There r osticjed everywhere
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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