I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize