in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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