are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
