I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
