I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
