Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
