Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
