Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
