its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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