i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
