I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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