just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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