so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
