So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This baby is an asshole
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
