new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Never joke about your clitoris.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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