worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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