She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
