It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
