dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
