I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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