I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
