I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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