why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
