I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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