Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
