Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
