oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
