also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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