Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
