I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize