im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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