I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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