I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
