I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
