Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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